We’ve all read stories and seen films that pose the question “can our toys come to life?” It’s an idea that’s endured for a long time. Sometimes I literally lay awake in the middle of the day, often in public places and wonder if all around the world, toys are coming alive at that very moment as the children turn their backs. Maybe when Jimmy junior is asleep, his teddy bears jump off the shelf and conduct experiments on the stuffed monkeys in the name of medical advancement or perhaps as little Lucy eats her dinner downstairs, her dolls are slapping on cheap make up and strutting up and down like little street walkers. My thoughts and dreams are occupied by such wonderful ideas.
I remember when I was a child I was convinced that one of my toy soldiers would come to life at midnight and put my playthings in his magic sack before taking them off to his funland. Sadly, it later became apparent that a neighbour with primordial dwarfism and a military fetish had been crawling through my window as I slept, stealing my possessions and selling them on his market stall. But it never stopped me believing though.
And we should never stop believing or dreaming because the idea of our toys coming alive is the perfect encapsulation of childhood imagination. Our toys are one of the first things we remember in life and acting out roles with them is one of the first games we play, so to admit they have no life at all is to admit that childhood is a time of lies and deception, when I’d prefer to see childhood as a time of stories and fantasy.
Also, I will never stop believing in Santa Claus no matter how much hard evidence is put before me. I mean who else puts the presents under the Christmas tree, the freaking Easter Bunny?
But it’s this idea of toys coming to life that’s got me thinking and it raises another question. Could every static, lifeless object in our domiciles actually have a life of their own? I don’t think that’s such a crazy notion.
When we walk out of the kitchen, do the cutlery, kettles and cheese graters jump down from their places and start to party like its 1999? Or when we leave our bathrooms do the shavers, toothbrushes and pumice rocks throw themselves in the tub and start re-enacting famous events of the 15th century – and then party like its 1492? Well much like the toys, we will probably never know for sure. Because no matter how hard we try to see them, whenever we open the door they’re just laying there lifeless. But my kitchen is often a complete mess even after I’ve cleaned up and my bathtub is often full of my stuff for no good reason, so I think something could be going on behind my back. Maybe something is going on behind yours too.
I told my doctor about my theories on toys and everyday objects having lives but he said I was a fantasist and recommended me for a few sessions of electro-shock therapy. His attitude didn’t surprise me though; men and women of science and medicine often have to have indisputable evidence before they believe anything. But unbeknownst to him, as he turned his back I saw a tray of hypodermic needles twitching. You’ll get all the freaking evidence you need Mr Brainiac I thought. Unfortunately I must have said it aloud as well because he then called security who beat me up.
So do toys and other everyday objects come to life when our backs are turned or is it just a little fantasy that lets us escape momentarily from the real world? I don’t know for sure but the sheer state of my house when I get up in the morning suggests something is going on while I’m sleeping.
I even had a chat with my identical twin who lives in the mirror and he categorically denied ever leaving my house untidy when I’m not around. He then said he was too busy anyway before mentioning something he had to do with a Mr Brainiac and a hypodermic needle. I don’t know what he was talking about and to be honest, I think he’s a bit crazy. I mean he still believes in Santa Claus.
